[Bananafish] A Bloody Note

[Michael Anello]

We all know what your left hand is for, Daniel.  asdf

Got a couple jokes for you that I made up.

You know what they found during George W. Bush's colonoscopy?

*Polyps of mass destruction.*

You know what else they found?

*Osama Bin Polyp.*


On 7/26/07, Yocum, Daniel R Civ 21 CES/CEOE <daniel.yocum at peterson.af.mil>
wrote:
>
>  Here is a post from a boat building forum that I am a member of, I
> thought it was well written and enjoyable.  Just swap out the minor injuries
> with a major decapitation with an out of control power tool and it could be
> something about Mike.
>
>
>
> Daniel
>
>
>
>
>
> I was born right handed and will die right handed, so long as it is still
> attached, I guess. My left hand usually swings around like a lump on a
> string. It is useful for holding things and I have forced it to learn how to
> type a bit, but mostly it just flops around out there - barely controlled
> and rarely used.
>
>
>
> Then, this weekend, I learned the true purpose of my left hand: Tool Stop.
> I have taken a break from finishing out my PDR (which was a break from
> building a Goat Island Skiff) to make a canoe so I can transport my lovely
> wife on our local river. I have been using Gorilla Glue exclusively for this
> project, and as you may recall, I use drywall screws with 3/4" fender
> washers to screw the pieces together - once the glue cures, I remove the
> screws and fill the holes (with toothpicks dipped in glue.)
>
>
>
> I first noticed the purpose of my left hand while using my drill to drive
> in a screw. I was pushing hard when the screw tipped and the bit slipped and
> I drove the Philips bit into the pad of my left index finger tip - no damage
> to the boat, Yah! You never notice how many things you touch with your left
> index finger until you have a huge, gaping wound in it.
>
>
>
> I next noticed the purpose of my left hand as I used my newly sharpened
> chisel to scrape off the glue that had squeezed during the drying process. I
> was pressing hard and the blade slipped - but by chance my left hand was
> there to catch the blade before it did any damage to the boat. Funny, but
> the cut on my palm goes right through my lifeline.
>
>
>
> My final instance was the most gruesome. I have recently purchased my
> first pull saw and was lopping off the excess of the stem log. The saw was
> binging, so I gave a mighty yank - the stem log severed and the blade
> continued until it came to rest across the outside of the ball joint of my
> left thumb. Most of the nerves of my hand had burned out by then, so I
> didn't really pay any attention until I reached up for something and flung
> blood all over my toolbox.
>
>
>
> The blade had pulled up a flap of skin about the diameter of a pencil
> eraser -the flap still attached by a wee bit of skin. Almost everything in
> my shop is filthy, so while my right hand fumbled with the first aid kit, I
> decided to chew off the flap with my teeth. A lifetime of poor dental care
> and nightly teeth grinding has left my front teeth flat - more like molars
> than incisors. I had to wiggle my jaw side to side and more or less grind
> off the flap. As I spit out the offending skin, I looked up to see the sweet
> little neighbor girl starign at me in horror.
>
> I smiled my blood filled smile and waved my gory hand in greeting, and she
> ran away in terror.
>
>
>
> Anyway, I discovered what my left hand is for.
>
> Andrew
>
>
>
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-- 
Two amoeba walk out of a bar.
One amoeba says to the other, "Say, is that the sun or the moon?"
And the other amoeba says, "I don't know, I don't live around here!"
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