[Bananafish] A New Contest:

[Michael Anello]

don't you have an ironic bone in your body, daniel?

-mike

On Wed, Apr 2, 2008 at 3:06 PM, Yocum, Daniel R Civ USAF AFSPC 21 CES/CEOE <
daniel.yocum at peterson.af.mil> wrote:

>
> The spring melt comes on after an especially high snow pack on Mt.
> Ascutny.  The soil is saturated, the runoff pours into the Connecticut
> River.  The water rising, Hank down at the Powers' Country store closes
> early so that he can make it home across the old covered bridge.  Jerome
> stands on the bank of the river, soaked in the downpour watching the
> banks erode away carrying trees down with the flow.  It reminds him of
> the Hurtgen forest and all those blasted tree tops.  He climbs behind
> the wheel of his idling Jeep and fish tails as he climbs up the bank
> onto the road.
>
> The old covered bridge is shuttering under the force of the bulging
> river.  "Beautiful" he whispers under his breath as he accelerates
> towards the bridge.  A large mat of stripped tree trunks approach the
> pilings.  The bridge shutters as the island of Pines hit the bridge; his
> knuckles whiten as the bridge is washed away in the rear view mirror.
>
> The Jeep stalls in the wheel high water overflowing the roadway bar
> ditch.  Jerome climbs out and draws up the collar of his camel hair coat
> and slips on his khaki green wool gloves.  The current staggers him and
> he goes down two, three times before reaching the front door.  His
> breathing is ragged and shallow, every intake of breath lights his lungs
> on fire.
>
> The door won't close; the water is too high and rushing too fast.  He
> abandons the door as he sees the water rising in the house towards the
> steel door of the vault.  Without another breath he staggers into the
> vault pulling the door closed behind him. The water continues to rise in
> the vault despite the closed door.  The cardboard bank boxes from the
> lower shelves start to float.  They tip and rock in the swirling water
> as it rises.  The files float out of the boxes covering the surface of
> the rising water.  Jerome shoves the sodden papers away, they cling to
> him taking possession of him, the water rises. Layer upon layer of white
> bond paper, each passed through a Smith Corona cling to him like heavy
> wet snow or thick ashes.  The water rises to his chin, gasping he
> inhales full size spit balls.  Gagging he goes under at about the same
> time the water reaches its high mark.
>
>
> Three days later they find him entombed, covered full body in a paper
> Mache Death mask.  The paper Mache Mummy is on display in New York, a
> roadside attraction with small caged animals, an ice cream stand, and
> some carnival rides. Behind a thick piece of gouged and nicked glass, it
> is set near the carousel. On the concrete base written with a red
> sharpie someone scribbled "Fuck You".
>
> Daniel
>
>
>
>
> Write a scenario imagining the most ironic death J.D. Salinger could
> suffer...
>
> Jim
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-- 
Two amoeba walk out of a bar.
One amoeba says to the other, "Say, is that the sun or the moon?"
And the other amoeba says, "I don't know, I don't live around here!"
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